Why We’re “Waiting till Marriage” for Sex

I read a blog post a few years back from a young woman who waited until her wedding night to have sex with her high school sweetheart. The post went on to say how traumatic sex was because her whole life she had been taught by the Church that sex was bad and wrong and blah blah blah. She ended up leaving her faith over it believing she had to choose either having sex or being a Christian. She claims she is scared for life and is going through immense amounts of counseling. This blog went viral and has left thousands of people with the excuse that the Church is “scaring” people by saying you should wait until marriage for sex.

I just want to set the records clear and shout BS!!!!! Sex is awesome, it is incredible, and it is GOD CREATED!!!! Anyone that tells you otherwise is a liar.

I know I talk a lot about Genesis on my blog, but it’s always good to go back to the foundation. One of the first things God ever said to man was to “be fruitful and multiply.” That doesn’t mean plant a bunch of fruit trees, it means to have a bunch of sex!

God had created the first man Adam to take the first woman Eve to be his wife, to protect one another, to help one another, and to make babies. Somewhere in history sex was translated as a dirty thing, a sinful thing, something we don’t want to talk about. But originally it was pure, and holy, uniting one man to one woman.

I wish that I could say I did it right, especially now being engaged to the most incredible man on the face of the planet. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I gave my heart and my body to other people. Of course, I know that God has forgiven me, but I still have to live with that regret. There is not a single thing good that came from it. 1st Corinthians 6:18 says, “Run away from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Although it “wasn’t a big deal” so I thought, I never woke up the next morning without a sick feeling in my stomach knowing that I wasn’t doing it the right way. Knowing there was so much more that God wanted for me. Knowing that I was not only disobeying God but hurting myself. It’s not a rule in the bible just to “control you,” it’s a rule to protect you! I’ve never met a person that has ever said they were happy they had sex with other people before marriage (Christian or not). It simply does something that when out of context does affect your body soul and mind. You can grow numb to it, but if you really search deep down within, you know what is right and wrong.

Even though I messed up in the past, I made a decision and a promise to God and myself that I would keep myself pure again until the night of my wedding. I believe part of the reason God brought such an incredible man into my life was that I made that decision to be obedient to Christ. Now being engaged, of course, Andrew and I have a tough time with this (real talk, just look at the man!!!), but we know how much more God will bless our marriage because we are doing it the RIGHT way! Not to mention how much more special our wedding night will be now. Is it tough? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Without a shadow of a doubt.

I don’t believe it is ever too late to do the right thing, and God is such a redeeming God. He will help you when the struggle gets real if you just keep trusting and relying on His strength and not your own. On my own, I would never be able to do half the things that I am doing, but Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” It’s not a decision I am making out of religious or moral obligation (as the girl mentioned apparently was). It is a decision to respect the sanctity of marriage, respect myself, and respect God’s perfect plan for my life.

(Extra bonus for holding out… your boyfriend will put that ring on it real quick, and the wedding will follow very shortly after. Ahhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh!!! Shoutout to my super hot fiancé Andrew, 4-month engagements, and long romantic honeymoons!) 🙂

A great read if this is something you are currently struggling with is “Loveology,” by John Mark Comer. It discusses the relationship between God, love, marriage, sex, and the never-ending story of male and females. You can buy it for nine bucks here.

-Melissa J. Soule

Always feel free to write me at mel@melissajsoule.com